Google's Space TPUs: Because Earth's Resources Weren't Being Wasted Fast Enough
Alright, so Google and Planet are teaming up to put freakin' TPUs – Tensor Processing Units, for the uninitiated – in space. I read that right, didn't I? Like we don't have enough problems down here, now we gotta pollute the cosmos with our silicon garbage.
Space: The Final Frontier for Tech Bro Shenanigans
Planet, bless their little hearts, is "proud to support Project Suncatcher," according to their press release. They spin it as aligning with their "public benefit purpose." Right. Because nothing says "helping life on Earth" like launching power-hungry computers into orbit to, what, mine crypto with solar power? Give me a break.
The official line is that this is all about "exploring building scalable machine learning (ML) compute systems in space." Scalable? In space? What happens when one of these things goes haywire and starts multiplying like rabbits? Are we gonna have Skynet 2.0 raining down algorithms on our heads? I'm just asking questions here.
And let's be real, the phrase "moonshot" is tech-bro code for "we have more money than sense and we're gonna throw it at something completely impractical." I mean, who needs affordable healthcare when we can have AI-powered space computers? Priorities, people, priorities.
Two Satellites, One Giant Leap for... Overheating?
So, Planet's gonna cobble together two prototype satellites by 2027 to test Google's TPUs in the "harsh environment of space." Harsh? You mean like, the vacuum and radiation? I'm no rocket scientist, but even I can see that keeping a computer cool in space is gonna be a slight challenge.
They're also planning on having these two satellites "work in concert, flying in tandem with high bandwidth cross link communications." Sounds cute. Like a synchronized swimming routine for satellites. But what happens when one of them gets a cosmic wedgie and throws the whole routine off? Do we get space traffic jams? Offcourse, I'm probably just being cynical.
And what's with the "aligns with Planet’s technology development roadmap for the recently announced Owl mission" line? Sounds like they're trying to justify this whole boondoggle by shoehorning it into their existing projects. Clever marketing, I guess.
Audacious? Or Just Plain Dumb?
Planet claims that "tackling humanity's most complex challenges requires audacious, new approaches to technology." I'd argue that maybe, just maybe, tackling those challenges requires, I dunno, actually tackling them on Earth? But hey, what do I know?
This whole thing just screams "distraction." A shiny, expensive distraction from the real problems we're facing. Problems like climate change, poverty, and the fact that my internet bill is higher than my rent. But instead of fixing those, let's launch some computers into space!
Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe this is all part of some grand plan to save humanity. Or maybe it's just a way for Google to avoid paying taxes. Who knows anymore?
So, What's the Endgame Here?
This isn't innovation; it's just another example of tech companies playing with their toys while the world burns. They expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly... it's insulting.